Mommy Challenges

Weekly Review

2010-04-14T19:11:00.001-07:00

Week 1

1. Lost 2 pounds
2. Focused on drinking more water/liquids during the day
3. Worked out 4 days (sick kids who can't go to Kidcare did play a part in that)
4. Longest jog/walk 3.6 miles and jogged all of the hills (up and down).
5. Can't believe a "lady" in my yoga stretch class let one rip really loudly and all she said was "oops". And she said it quietly at that!

The Mirror Has Two Faces

2010-04-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

The mirror has two faces. Isn't that the truth? The ugly truth! Mirrors. Reflections...

I've been doing a lot of reflecting the past couple of days. It's none too pretty.

The Reflection in the Mirror:
I never really look at myself in the mirror. I try to avoid them at all costs. In exercise classes, I focus on the instructor or the person in front of me. (Personally, I think those walls of mirrors should be banned.) Lifting weights, I'm conscious of my form, but there is no need to really see the form in the mirror. Right? There are no full length mirrors in my house - on purpose. But still, there are times when I catch a glimpse, either in the mirror or in a picture. Who is that? Who is this person I've become. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in complete denial. I know I've put on the pounds. But when I really look at myself, I'm just shocked at how big I have let myself become. I can't blame it on my pregnancies. I never really put on a whole lot of weight during any of my pregnancies. I think with the twins I put on 25 lbs. Most of my weight gain has been between pregnancies. The three broken ankles/legs that I've had didn't help, but they certainly can't be to blame either. It's me. I'm to blame. I enjoy food. I like the taste of food. I enjoy munching while gabbing with friends. And quite honestly, I don't want to give it up. I'm definitely going to focus on portion size. And those yummy (read *fatty*) foods will be eaten in more moderation. I still want to go out to eat with my friends. But I vow to make healthier choices. I don't always eat like crap. I tend to starve and binge. I often don't eat breakfast. And lunch sometimes doesn't get eaten until 2pm. I really think I'm teaching my body to store every morsel because it's not quite sure when I'm going to eat again.

This leads me to my food focuses for the week:
1. Eat small amounts more often. Make healthier choices and monitor portions.
2. Drink. Drink water/Crystal Lite/Diet Coke. Whatever it takes. I get to dinner time and realize I haven't had anything to drink all day. Not good. And I do know better. I just don't think about it. Now, I am thinking about it and I am drinking. 64 oz. of fluid/day is the goal.

I've got a picture on my fridge, reminding me of what I don't want to look like, and a dress in my closet reminding me of where I want to get to.

The Mental Reflections:

I hear from a lot of runners that one of the things they enjoy about running is the solitude. They enjoy being alone with their thoughts, able to reflect on themselves or think about the day or an upcoming task. There is no one to interrupt them. There is no one to care for except yourself. It sounds wonderful and beautiful. Right now, at this point in my training, I would have to say that solitude is the WORST thing for me. I can't seem to escape the negativity of my own thoughts. I try to stay positive and repeat to myself all of the things I'm "supposed" to say. But, inevitably, I end up repeating defeatist phrases. "This sucks" "I need to stop" "Why can't I run farther without it hurting" "I suck for being this out of shape" "Who am I kidding? I can barely run a mile, let alone 26.2".

I need to find something that will distract me from me.

I'm trying to figure out why I can do 2 hours of tough cardio classes in a row, yet get out there to run and my lungs hurt after a quarter of a mile. Is it mental? Is it physical? I don't know, but I need to figure it out.

Physical goals:
1. Continue to build up cardio by jogging and cross training.
2. Keep working toward that goal of jogging continuously for 30 minutes.
3. Tame those negative thoughts!!!

205 Days

2010-04-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I did the unthinkable. I have registered for a marathon. My very first marathon. I am excited, hopeful, terrified, and nervous. My mind is embattled in an internal war. In one corner, "You can do this! Focus! Train! Put the time in and anything is possible!". In the other corner "A fat, out of shape girl has no business signing up for a marathon. You're just setting yourself up for failure. You can't do this!".

Why? Why do I want to run a marathon? Several reasons actually. First, I want to be fit. I'm tired of being fat and out of shape. If I can run a marathon, I definitely will be able to say that I'm fit, even if I'm still overweight. Second, it's on my bucket list. Third, I'm a bit competitive. My wonderful husband has now completed 2 marathons. This will be his third. Gosh darn it, I don't want him to be able to do something I can't do. I'm not the only one who feels this way. A good friend, and now training partner, is in the same boat. She has 4 kids about the same ages as my older 4. Her hubby also has run marathons. We are so proud of our husbands' accomplishments!! Now, we want to be proud of our accomplishment. Fourth, my kids. I want to set a good example for my kids both by being fit and by trying things that are difficult. Fifth, it just seems to be the year. It's the MCM's 35th anniversary. It's just weeks after I turn 32 and I'm not getting any younger!! My hubby, sister, brother-in-law, and many friends are running it. Why not me too? (Okay, so I have a list a mile long as to why not me...but I'm trying to live up to my description of myself and not set limitations by being a realist!)

Honestly, I do struggle with envisioning myself running 26.2 miles. Do you know how far 26.2 miles is? It's a long, freaking way by foot. I also get caught up with the idea of failure. I don't cope so well with failure. In my mind, the worst case scenario would be me attempting the marathon and getting swept up by the "courtesy van" if I don't keep up with the minimum pace of 14 minute miles. My husband has a different view point, one that I'm trying to adopt. He says the worst thing is not trying.

I must admit that I'm not really setting myself up for success. Try googling "Couch to Marathon" programs. You will get one amusing blog post. But there is no such program. I'm basically going from the couch to a marathon in 6 months. I'm also overweight which will add more stress to my body. My hope is that training will help me lose some weight; and in turn, the weight loss will help me train. I hope to lose 35 lbs. by the race. I have set up a ticker on the side of my blog to help me visualize this progress as well.

I'm going to use this blog to keep me on track and keep me motivated. I care a lot about what other people think of me. And, as I said before, I have a debilitating fear of failure. So if people know I am signed up for a marathon, I'm more likely to keep on trucking toward the big goal. I would hate for everyone to know I failed!

So let's set the long term goals:
1. Finish the Marine Corps. Marathon on 31 Oct 2010 under the maximum time limit of 7 hours (although honestly, I want to do it in less than 6 hours).
2. Lose 35 lbs. by race day.

Short term goals:
1. Run for 30 minutes without stopping.
2. Train/workout 5 days a week - consistently.